20.

Stayed over at Jade's after the Halloween party on Saturday and this verse was pasted on her wall:

nineteen I think?

Life after the end of years has been extremely uneventful.
SOMEONE SAVE MEEEEEE lol
Results aren't fantastic. Grateful I'm not dropping or down for study camp.
On a side note, have been on 9gag for the entire night. Insanely bored. Ok bye.

WHAT NUMBER IS IT ALREADY?!

Didn't go to school today. Woke up at 545 got ready for school and decided I was to cool for school. Loljk I was just too tired. Went back to sleep and woke up at like... idk. 11:30? Ate lunch and watched Kim Kardashian's Wedding before leaving the house to meet Becks Leah Cheryl Jam Jill Affy (sorry i forgot you bb) at KAP. Went home around 5-ish, watched 90210 and fell asleep at 6. Until Rach called me and we talked about ~people~.

Didn't feel as depressed as yesterday, but still extremely worried. Results are gonna be released later in school. Not like I can do anything by now but I really want to do well. Praying for the best. Read through Jade's word for her pm. Having faith really is important. I know I said this in the previous post, but really, God has a plan for us. I saw this somewhere on fb/tumblr,

"If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it."

It's gonna be tough. I'll struggle and whatever, but at least I know God will be with me through everything in my life. Grateful for such an amazing God ♡

17.

Today I found out I'll be given the choice to drop to combined science. Cried and cried. Like crying would've solved anything but honestly. I don't even know what to do anymore. What is the point. If I drop to combined...don't even need to think about my single digit L1R5. Don't need to think about going to IB. Ahhhh sigh. Spent the rest of the day feeling extremely sad about myself. It's too late anyway. I tried my best. But apparently my best isn't enough. Nothing can be undone. I sound like some poser emo kid but honestly I don't even care how I appear to anyone anymore. I don't want to drop to combined. I don't want to disappoint. My mom's always been there for me whether I fail or not and she doesn't really care how I fare in exams and always says "I know you tried your best". Amazing mother, but I give shitty results in return. Seriously I know how disappointed she actually is, but she doesn't want to give me pressure or stress or whatever.
I feel extremely ashamed of myself. My mom never fails to encourage when I fail and simply just tells me to work harder next time. But no, I never seem to be doing well. You know how much it frickin' sucks when you get back an exam paper and all you see is a dismal score? I just wish I was more hardworking. I am embarrassed when I have to tell my mom my results because I know she'd give me the usual answers. She doesn't appear to be disappointed, but I know deep down inside she really wants me to do better. Sigh irdk. Why am i such a disappointment?
After feeling sorry for myself for the entire day, things became increasingly depressing when something happened. Feeling so stupid. Worst person on Earth right here. 

Today was far worse than depressing. I am a horrible person. I don't think before I act I just do whatever I want to. Back to results. If I don't do well enough for physics...I might just very well drop to combined. I swear if I do....my mom's gonna be so worried. Yes it appears that everything I do, my mom is affected by it. Well because besides God, my mom is my everything. She brought me and my sister up ever since my dad passed away. She is the reason why I'm in school. She's the reason I get to do whatever I want. She's the reason I have a house to live in. I need to do well enough in school to make my mom proud.
I have so much crap going on. School, tuition, ballet, piano. Repeat sequence every week. I NEED A LIFE DESPERATELY. I should be juggling my activities well, but it doesn't seem to be the case. I try to do my best in everything I do. Some days I just feel so insanely tired of everything happening at the same time. Like ballet. Been doing pretty well for every other grade except the recent ones. Attaining merit twice in consecutive grades. Totally under performing. Grade 8's so important. But I can't find the strength to persevere and try my best to learn every single dance step properly. Going for ballet seems like a chore some times. If I don't go for ballet, how am I to learn the steps? How am I to get my distinction? Disappointment yet again.

For now. I just have to pray hard enough and believe that my other subjects won't be as disappointing..... I believe God has a plan for everyone. If I really do have to drop to combined. It's probably part of God's plan. Time will tell.

end of unhappy/frustrated post.

/edit: Release of results tmr. Praying hard I don't have to retain or go for study camp. Let go, let God.

16.

I have been going out almost everyday, if not I'd be at home sleeping my day away. Don't want this post to sound like some emo shit but honestly. 

So tired of everything that's happening around me. S I C K A N D T I R E D. Okay on hindsight I'm not gonna blog about it.

Bye. Pretty sure no one really reads my blog anyway.

15.

Woke up late afternoon left house to go meet TUSCW @scape, went to PlayNation and played FIFA, Dance Central, RockBand and a whole lot of other games. Photos are on Bianca's blog!


Jade Ear and Justin are over now, watched Valentine's Day and now we're watching the longest yard

 

14.

Had dental in the morning, removing my braces in 6 weeks ohyeaaaah ^_^
Planned to meet the rest at sogurt before going to Leah's but everyone was late. Except me. Jill and Leah came and then we went to 6th Ave to rent movies and Cheryl picked us up in a cab. Watched She's the Man and the Butterfly Effect. Butterfly Effect was rly rly rly rly good!!! Left Leah's place and took a bus down to Lido, to meet Jade Ear and Justin to catch Real Steel. Wasn't even appropriately dressed and was freezing through out the movie :'(

I was also supposed to go out with Claud and Affy and ~~~~~  tomorrow but my mom's making me stay home. Oh well.

13.

END OF YEARS ARE OVER ~~~
Had AMath and Lit P2, after which I took the newly opened circle line with B, Bex, Leah and Rach to Clementi Mall! ~SEOUL~ was so crowded we couldn't get a table and decided to eat at Swensen's. Went back to my place after lunch to watch movies and do useless things. Watched Koizora with Leah after everyone left and she just left about half an hour ago.
Was planning upload the video of Leah doing all her noises. Oh well blogger is being annoying. Too bad.
Going to Leah's to have a movie marathon with the rest tomorrow.

Oovoo-ing with two noobs. Can't even see them :'(

12.

Last paper tmr! :-)

Flying to ~SEOUL~ with my homiezzz and coming back to my place for dinner!!! So excited. 

 

 

 

LOVE YOU THRU THE GOOD BAD UGLY <3

 

 

:')
good night xx

11.

Should seriously be sleeping. But thanks lin, for being my number 1 reader ahahahaha.

 

10.

EXAMS ARE OVER BY TUESDAY!!!!
Been going to KAP almost everyday just to study. 

Left with 3 more papers, Lit P1 + P2 and AMath P2!

Spent the morning studying, then watched abit of HIMYM and went for tuition. This week has been extremely boring and mundane. So excited for the exams to be over I simply cannot *tank* (HAHAHAHA LIN) anymore.

Failed group chat with Lin and Affy

 

L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N - Noah and The Whale

♡

Can't seem to sleep.
Sigh. The things I do at 1 in the morning.

/edit [1:35AM] 

 

V WILL V WILL RAAACK YOU

9.

Sup.
3 papers down, so many more to go I don't even bother counting. SS and English were pretty ~alright~. Hope I do well.... Sigh. 

Went to KAP after SS/English to study with Lin Leah Rach Jill Affy and Bianca. Pretty much failed becuase all of us were super drained after SS/English. Leah and I went to sit with Jade Ear Justin Nas and Stacey after the rest left, did no studying. Walked to btp for dinner but ended up watching Leah get a haircut and then Leah Jade and I went to Subway to supposedly eat but ended up sitting there chatting for about 2 hours.... Also, Leah now has side bangs. 

Went to CCK library to study with Rach on Saturday, 'twas pretty productive and we had occasional breaks just to watch XFactor UK/USA. Went to meet Mom and tabao-ed pontian at the basement.

Clementi library today with Jade and Ear, couldn't find any space so we went to Baskin-Robbins to study instead. Spent about...close to 5 hours there. Not as productive as Saturday, but managed to finish my history notes! 
On a sidenote, everyone go follow @LaoEarZi on twitter. 





Chinese Paper 1 + 2 tmr, EXAMS END IN ABOUT 9 DAYS. 
night xx