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Sunday. The day I should be resting and not having to get out of bed too early to do work or sleeping late at night to finish work. But of course, laziness comes and overwhelms me and I end up lying in bed all afternoon feeling like a bossss (even tho I shouldn't). Anxiety. I used to be scared and feel crazy upset every Sunday. After awhile, it just went away but today, it's back again. I'm not sure if it's just me being paranoid or the fact that I know something's gonna happen that's why I'm feeling so horrible. Maybe this isn't a very private place for me to say what I feel but whatever. Today I woke up at 8. Despite 11 hours of sleep, didn't feel like a champion after waking up. Felt like my heart was pounding rly fast and I just laid there and thought about things. Which then brought me to an even more horrible state, I ended up crying. Lol yeah Lyssa's such a crybaby....all she ever does to get things solved is to cry. Well how about you try being me and tell me if it's so easy. Did you have to lose your father when you were just 5? Did your mother have to scrimp and save just to give you a good life? Many people ask me how I survive without my mom working now....I tell them. God's grace. I might not be the richest person in the world. But gaining God's love? Makes me the richest person in the world. Back to why I was crying - life is as such. I go to school come home dead tired, take a nap and then regret taking a nap because I should've studied. Cycle repeats for next four days. And then start feeling inadequate because I'm never good enough. Never good enough in my studies, ballet or netball or even anyone. jamie/rach/rbk/bink/jill/cher/leah/lin/af - crazy smart and pretty and then there's me, not pretty not smart not hardworking. Insecure much? Totally. Not being good enough kills me all the time because I'm always second to anyone. It has happened so many times and sometimes I guess I trust someone that I've known for such a short time (< a year thereabouts) I'm the one that ends up broken. Upset and feeling lonesome. Such is life. Oh well.
Motto of the year? Keep calm and trust God.

/edit/ oh and, no more boy troubles for the year, +happy points on this sad sunday